I was solo-poly till I decided during lock-down to get married. The pandemic has a lot to answer for 😂 For me it was about enjoying multiple connections and not requiring any escalation to happen as part of those relationships.
Thank you for breaking down Solopolyamory. I think what you’ve described actually aligns more with Relationship Anarchy than Solopolyamory. While the two share a lot of similarities, people in the Solopoly community often emphasize key distinctions.
Solopoly folks treat their relationships as if they are perpetually “single” in a structural sense. They may have multiple connections, but none of them are allowed to become deeply entrenched or traditionally “serious.” For example, many in the Solopoly community avoid cohabitating with partners or establishing long-term, deeply enmeshed commitments. This is seen as a core difference between being “solo” versus being “regular-poly,” where cohabitation and long-term commitments are more common.
To me, Solopoly is about prioritizing yourself as your “primary partner.” If there’s any hierarchy, it’s that you are at the top. Everyone else in your life is secondary, with no one partner taking a “primary” role. This lack of hierarchy is also a central tenet of Relationship Anarchy, but the difference is that Anarchy doesn’t necessarily exclude cohabitation or long-term partnerships. An anarchist approach allows for a wide range of relationship structures, from casual to deeply committed, without assigning “ranking” to those connections. You could live with a partner, have long-term relationships, and still maintain other connections, none of which have veto power over the others.
On the other hand, the Solopoly framework often places restrictions on the depth of relationships with others, which can leave many Solopoly individuals spending significant time alone. Unless someone is regularly engaging in short-term or non-permanent connections, they may find themselves in long stretches of solitude. For some, this is intentional and fulfilling. For others, it can lead to isolation, especially if their desire for community or deeper bonds begins to conflict with their commitment to the solo framework.
Anarchy, by contrast, allows for both independence and interdependence. You can live with others, engage in long-term relationships, and maintain casual connections all without a hierarchical structure. But since “Relationship Anarchy” doesn’t have the same branding or cultural recognition as “polyamory,” people sometimes hesitate to use it as a label. Polyamory inherently implies “many loves,” while Anarchy encompasses a broader range of interactions, including casual or non-romantic connections. This could explain why some people gravitate toward Solopoly, as it guarantees the “love” aspect, even if it often comes with stricter boundaries on cohabitation or relationship entanglement.
Both approaches value autonomy and personal freedom, but I see Anarchy as a more flexible framework. It allows for deeper relationships, cohabitation, and a fuller range of connection styles. Solopoly, as it’s commonly defined, seems more rigid in its avoidance of “entanglement,” which can make it difficult for people who eventually crave more consistent intimacy or long-term companionship.
In summary, while Solopoly and Anarchy overlap in their non-hierarchical values, Solopoly tends to place firmer limits on how “deep” relationships can go, often at the cost of cohabitation or long-term partnership. Anarchy, on the other hand, allows for a wider range of relationships, from one-night stands to lifelong partnerships, as long as no one is seen as having higher priority or control over your autonomy. For me, that makes Relationship Anarchy feel more expansive and adaptable.
I was solo-poly till I decided during lock-down to get married. The pandemic has a lot to answer for 😂 For me it was about enjoying multiple connections and not requiring any escalation to happen as part of those relationships.
Thank you for breaking down Solopolyamory. I think what you’ve described actually aligns more with Relationship Anarchy than Solopolyamory. While the two share a lot of similarities, people in the Solopoly community often emphasize key distinctions.
Solopoly folks treat their relationships as if they are perpetually “single” in a structural sense. They may have multiple connections, but none of them are allowed to become deeply entrenched or traditionally “serious.” For example, many in the Solopoly community avoid cohabitating with partners or establishing long-term, deeply enmeshed commitments. This is seen as a core difference between being “solo” versus being “regular-poly,” where cohabitation and long-term commitments are more common.
To me, Solopoly is about prioritizing yourself as your “primary partner.” If there’s any hierarchy, it’s that you are at the top. Everyone else in your life is secondary, with no one partner taking a “primary” role. This lack of hierarchy is also a central tenet of Relationship Anarchy, but the difference is that Anarchy doesn’t necessarily exclude cohabitation or long-term partnerships. An anarchist approach allows for a wide range of relationship structures, from casual to deeply committed, without assigning “ranking” to those connections. You could live with a partner, have long-term relationships, and still maintain other connections, none of which have veto power over the others.
On the other hand, the Solopoly framework often places restrictions on the depth of relationships with others, which can leave many Solopoly individuals spending significant time alone. Unless someone is regularly engaging in short-term or non-permanent connections, they may find themselves in long stretches of solitude. For some, this is intentional and fulfilling. For others, it can lead to isolation, especially if their desire for community or deeper bonds begins to conflict with their commitment to the solo framework.
Anarchy, by contrast, allows for both independence and interdependence. You can live with others, engage in long-term relationships, and maintain casual connections all without a hierarchical structure. But since “Relationship Anarchy” doesn’t have the same branding or cultural recognition as “polyamory,” people sometimes hesitate to use it as a label. Polyamory inherently implies “many loves,” while Anarchy encompasses a broader range of interactions, including casual or non-romantic connections. This could explain why some people gravitate toward Solopoly, as it guarantees the “love” aspect, even if it often comes with stricter boundaries on cohabitation or relationship entanglement.
Both approaches value autonomy and personal freedom, but I see Anarchy as a more flexible framework. It allows for deeper relationships, cohabitation, and a fuller range of connection styles. Solopoly, as it’s commonly defined, seems more rigid in its avoidance of “entanglement,” which can make it difficult for people who eventually crave more consistent intimacy or long-term companionship.
In summary, while Solopoly and Anarchy overlap in their non-hierarchical values, Solopoly tends to place firmer limits on how “deep” relationships can go, often at the cost of cohabitation or long-term partnership. Anarchy, on the other hand, allows for a wider range of relationships, from one-night stands to lifelong partnerships, as long as no one is seen as having higher priority or control over your autonomy. For me, that makes Relationship Anarchy feel more expansive and adaptable.