The Exvangelical Guide to Having a Threesome

When you're new to group sex and grew up in purity culture, you don't always know what's going on.

Image via buz_flickr on Flickr

I remember my first threesome. It was the night Trump got elected in 2016. Like every other pundit in the world, I assumed Hillary Clinton would be the president-elect at the end of the night. I wasn’t quite as leftist — I was a big Bernie Sanders fan — but I certainly didn’t think the idiotic candidate would end up as president. I even once wrote a joke article about visiting the Trump winery when he was still in the GOP primary. There’s even a picture of me in that article wearing a Make America Great Again hat, which I’m sure someone will try to use as a “gotcha” way down the line.

To put it lightly, I definitely thought this whole thing was a joke. So, I was watching the election results roll in with Daniel’s then-girlfriend. My kids were young and asleep, so we were drinking and having fun, and then, all of a sudden, I realized Trump had won. I was miserable, shocked, scared, sad, and drunk. I didn’t have the communist pessimism I have now or the “horrible things” tolerance we’ve built up as a society since then.

I’d never done anything with Daniel’s girlfriend or even discussed it, but we were drunk and feisty. Unlike normal people, I take politics very personally and consume news and media voraciously to the point that it impacts my personal well-being. So, you can imagine that I was in a vulnerable state. This isn’t the best scenario for a threesome.

And that’s when we started getting handsy.