Polyamory is Proof That Totally Platonic Opposite-Sex Friendships Are Possible

People often end friendships with members of the opposite sex to appease their partners. They shouldn't have to.

Image via PickPik

The “Billy Graham rule” came into public consciousness in 2016 when a journalist revealed that Mike Pence refused to spend any time with a woman alone, citing the rule as the reasoning. The idea is that, in an act of faithfulness to your spouse, you should avoid spending time alone with the opposite sex other than your spouse, period. Supposedly, this leads to less temptation and makes you look morally superior. Graham, who discussed the rule with other evangelical leaders in 1948, wished to “avoid any situation that would have even the appearance of compromise or suspicion.”

(My apologies in advance for the very hetero, very binary concepts presented in this piece… but I think a lot of people fit in those categories and could benefit from this argument.)

So, the way that this is enacted is that they refuse meetings with someone of the opposite sex. They try to have another person there or cancel the appointment. I can think of several scenarios, mostly professional ones, in which this seems difficult or even sexist, especially as it usually relates to a man trying to avoid spending time alone with a man.

I firmly believe that another person should not determine your friendships with others, even a romantic partner… and I think doing so can genuinely be abusive. If you don’t trust your partner, end the relationship or seek counseling. I’m exhausted thinking about another person trying to control who I talk to or who I spend time with. You may think that would be just because I’m polyamorous, and you’d be right… but not in the way that you’re thinking.

I’m a cisgender woman, and I’ve always had friends of all genders. But because of polyamory, I’m convinced, more than ever, that completely platonic opposite-sex friendships are possible and essential.

Here’s why.

---

Want to read more? Consider becoming a paid subscriber. Right now, annual subscriptions are 25% off until December 25th. Get a year of content!

---