Men Are Deeply Affected By Purity Culture, Too

U.S. Speaker Mike Johnson monitors porn usage with his 17-year-old son. This isn't unusual or a joke.

Image via Melissa Maples

I have a theory, you know. It isn’t based on data; it’s based on anecdotes and gut feelings. So take everything with a grain of salt, but I think that increased porn usage and porn addiction strongly correlate with purity culture. If you wander onto Christian Reddit boards, many of them struggle with porn. “And lust,” they always add, as if wanting to have sex is some sort of horrid genetic defect to be cured.

To be sure, I think porn addiction is real, and I think many people rely too much on it for sexual gratification. A lot of it is unethical. And the expectations for specific sex acts or body types that are depicted prominently in porn are horrible, too.

But what do you do when you’re told your body is shameful? When you’re told all forms of sex other than heterosexual sex within the confines of marriage — in which you will be expected to go from virgin to sex expert in one night — your sexual desires become a source of shame. It’s something you can only explore in private. You can’t be honest with yourself, your parents, your relatives, your family, or your friends. And if you have any sort of online access at all, then porn becomes the easy answer.

And when porn becomes the answer, when sex becomes wrapped up in shame, that’s when we start to struggle with it. Curiosity and relief turn to compulsion and addiction.

So that’s why I wasn’t shocked or surprised when a clip of the newest U.S. Speaker of the House, Mike Johnson, resurfaced. In it, he mentions that both he and his son “hold each other accountable” and use porn monitoring software. Reactions ranged from horrified to humorous; many people mocked the concept, while others considered the idea of sharing that information perverse and even incestuous.

However, it’s just one of the ways that purity culture affects men. While the damage done to women is irreversible and deranged, people don’t often talk about how much it can hurt men, too.