An Homage to Christian Sluts

Holy whores who kept their faith.

“Some would say a whore don't have no expectation of Heaven. I'd say, if she gives value for cash, she's got a better shot at God's blessing than your average banker. Jesus loved Mary Magdalene. He kicked over tables when He met a moneylender.”

— Elizabeth Bear in Karen Memory

Adam and Eve by Antonio Molinari, courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

Christianity is obsessed with sluts. I mean it. The very first story in the Bible involves Eve tempting Adam with fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil, after she had herself been tempted by a serpent. The fact that they both ate it meant the doom of humankind for our collective failures to avoid temptation. This story, even more than other Old Testament stories which are usually based off of real figures at least, is fictional — midrash, in the Jewish tradition, meant to illustrate a point. (Sorrynotsorry, literalist creationist Christians.)

Some theologians interpret this Genesis story as one that is sexual in nature — the snake tempting Eve being phallic, her offering Adam her “fruit” and her eternal punishment directly related to pain in childbirth and subordination to her husband. I actually don’t buy this interpretation: I believe the story is intended in the vaguer sense of the word, that humans in general are susceptible to all manner of temptation.

But I did always like the theme of sexual temptation, especially, as it’s a theme that repeats itself in the Bible: Delilah, tempting Samson for the secret of his strength to betray him to the Philistines. Jezebel, tempting Ahab to gain power and do as she pleased in Israel. Potiphar’s wife, tempting Joseph to sleep with her when after he was sold by his brothers to be enslaved by the Egyptian pharaoh. Drusilla, supposedly tempting Antonius Felix with her great beauty in the New Testament, even though she was already married to King Gaius Julius Azizus — eventually ending up with Antonius Felix as well. (Others like to include Bathsheba as a temptress… but not me. In my opinion, and backed up by many other theologians, David raped Bathsheba.)

In almost all cases, it’s women tempting the men, and men are depicted as the main heroes of the Bible, with writers even applying masculinity to God himself, a tradition I have clearly continued as you can tell by my pronouns: as if an omnipotent being would transcend all physical forms but gender. Only two books of the Bible are attributed to women, and far more men than women are mentioned. Some women don’t even get names.

It has to do with the times, in that throughout the ancient world, patriarchy was the norm as women were wed and exchanged as property among tribes and families, and then stayed home with the children while men went off to fight wars or herd sheep or whatever else. No birth control, no bodily autonomy, and for women, no land possession and no rights. Thank God the people I run with have moved past all that.

But this isn’t an egalitarianism post; you can rightfully assume, of course, that a female leftist with two male partners would be an egalitarian Christian and a feminist. I can’t be bothered to help all these prudish Christians unpack purity culture and its impacts any more; I spent too long doing it for myself. I believe that the Bible was written by men, yes, by flawed men, chronicling their time and place in the world, depicting women as temptresses to make them foils to their own personal struggles with temptation and sexuality, expressing it in the ways they would best know how, no different than other ancient writers of the time who also maintained patriarchy and wrote little of women.

There were women in the Bible, though. Sluts, even. Despite what the quote at the beginning of the article says, Mary Magdalene likely wasn’t one — many people, even preachers, confuse her with the woman at the well with multiple husbands or the fallen woman who was nearly stoned by Pharisees before Jesus stepped in to stop it. But there’s still whores in the Bible. The few female characters that exist were written with perhaps more nuance and beauty than what people like Homer achieved in The Odyssey, but that’s just my biased opinion.

1. Rahab. Rahab, in the Septuagint at least, is referred to as a harlot. She lived in the city of Jericho and hid two Israelite spies before they sacked the city in pursuit of the Promised Land. She is thought to have owned a brothel, and is generally regarded as righteous despite her prostitute status.

2. The female in Song of Solomon. The Bible’s book of sex positivity refers to an unmarried (and likely interracial) couple, with an audience rooting for them to fuck throughout the entire book. There’s no other book in the Bible like this. This book is the basis of mystic eroticism in any sort of monotheist tradition, from Kabbalah in Judaism, to Sufism in Islam, to any sort of Gnostic influence in Christianity.

3. Tamar. Poor Tamar is known for being the subject of the word onanism, a.k.a. the pullout method. Her husband Er, son of Judah, got killed by God, so she had to wed his brother Onan. He didn’t want to cum in her, thus cheating her of her hypothetical progeny’s inheritance, so God killed him too. She was so desperate for a baby from the Judah family that she eventually posed as a prostitute to get Judah himself, and finally got her baby. See, even the heroes of the Bible got to fuck around if they were men. Not women though!

4. Ruth. Ah, you might be surprised to see her on this list… but some theologians suspect that Ruth uh, got in Boaz’s good graces in a very particular way. Naomi had Ruth dress in her finest clothes, put on perfume, and lie down beside Boaz. He noticed her, and had her stay with him for the night. That implies, to me, that she seduced Boaz into marrying her.

5. Gomer. Hosea’s unfaithful wife, a metaphor for the unfaithful Israelites who couldn’t stop worshiping other Gods! But it was good enough for Hosea, who was happy to take her back anyway.

Ruth by Francesco Hayez, courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

Outside of the Bible, Christian mystics like Agnes Blannbekin and Angela of Folgino were known for their erotic religious visions, with Angela, who became a nun later in life, as described in Il libro della beata Angela da Foligno:

“…in a state of ecstasy, she found herself in the sepulcher with Christ. She said she had first of all kissed Christ's breast - and saw that he lay dead, with his eyes closed - then she kissed his mouth... Afterwards she placed her cheek on Christ's own and he, in turn, placed his hand on her other cheek, pressing her closely to him. At that moment, Christ's faithful one heard him telling her: ‘Before I was laid in the sepulcher, I held you this tightly to me.’”

Meanwhile, prostitution has existed alongside every Christian nation and denomination, as has homosexuality and transgenderism — try as the empires might, it is impossible to enforce rigid views of sexuality and gender on others en masse. It’s almost like we’re not made for it. I laugh to think that King James, the person after whom the most conservative Bible interpretations are named, would be considered queer or bisexual by today’s standards for his liaisons with both men and women, outside the context of marriage.

The first depictions I ever remember seeing of sexuality entwined with Christian imagery was in the pop singer Madonna, named for the Mary, the Mother of God: the person whose virginity the world is most obsessed with. The song “Like a Prayer” and its accompanying music video was full of sexual/religious overtones, and in fact, the entire ‘90s were a very erotica era for Madonna. I notice a similar vibe in Lady Gaga, both of them being famed Italian Catholics. Something inherently sexual, and religious, at once.

It felt so sacrilegious to me at the time, watching “Justify My Love” as one of Madonna’s depicted lovers had a rosary swinging from his chest. But yet, I was watching it. And I couldn’t stop watching it. I felt drawn to it, but I had no guide for slutty Christians. Any Christian female I knew who was having any sort of sex outside of heterosexual marriage I considered to be a sinner — myself included.

Eventually I began to know LGBTQ Christians. Christians who supported same-sex marriage. Christians who had sex before marriage and lived together without apologizing for it. (I did not, however, knowingly meet a polyamorous Christian person until I myself came out as polyamorous. Now I know MANY — almost all of them still closeted.) It seemed the relationship between sexuality and Christianity was more of a grey area and less of a black-of-white area than I’d originally thought.

Later, I discovered the poems of John Donne, who evolved in his own poetry as a man obsessed with sex, to a devoted spouse, to a devoted child of God, with Holy Sonnets written in explicit sexual imagery:

“Take me to you, imprison me, for I, Except you enthrall me, never shall be free, Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.”

This poem has been one of my favorite quotes for over a decade, even before I had an “enlightened” view of sexuality. Donne isn’t talking to a lover. He’s talking to God, using sexualized language. John Donne was a slut.

Recently, I watched a movie called Yes, God, Yes which was… almost exactly my journey, except of course, despite my inherent horniness for it, I am not Catholic. In the movie, a girl just keeps trying to stop being horny, and failing. I’d been in almost every single situation she’d been in the movie, right down to asking about sex acts to strangers on AOL Instant Messenger.

Screenshot courtesy of Yes, God, Yes

To this day, I’m fascinated with every single person who has any sort of alternative, unique perspective to sex outside of the norm, and maintains a relationship (or perhaps at least a fascination) with Jesus Christ. It’s a hard line to walk, knowing that the majority of people who find the same relationship, the same fascination with Jesus as you do think you’re doomed to eternal damnation. I know in my heart they think this. I try not to let it bother me, but it does. Especially when they’re all greedy capitalists who would let poor people die in the street in the name of the white man’s long shot at liberty — for himself alone.

In case nobody has ever said it before, and it’s not implied enough here, it’s okay to be a Christian slut. Jesus loves sluts, in fact. I believe Paul is right when he believes all of our lives would be a lot more direct if we could remain chaste and focus on God. But not all of us can do that. In fact, it seems like most of us can’t.

Holding onto pre-modern concepts of sex is going to damage and harm people, and if you’ve ever talked to survivors of gay conversion camps or purity culture, you already know it has. The circumstances that existed around relationships during biblical times no longer exist. Jesus wants you to fight greed, not oppress others on the basis of your interpretation of the Bible. Conservative Christians trying to be open-minded fall over themselves writing down acceptable rules for sexuality in the modern age, down to rules about certain types of sex and guides to how far you’re “allowed” to go before marriage, all based on this strange, white, western view of sexuality that really doesn’t exist, and really isn’t applicable any more.

I could argue the translation of “adultery” and same-sex relationships from a biblical stance for hours. But why should I? The world has changed since then regardless. The gospels are meant to keep evolving and adapting so that more people can be invited to our kingdom here on earth. Paul began the moment his outreach extended to us Gentiles. Being more like Christ means getting down on the level of others, and being radical about how and who we love. Honor God, honor others, and honor yourself.

We have to teach a more realistic view of purity, through the lens of careful emotional consideration of our actions and the consideration of our neighbor above ourselves — even when we’re about to have sex with them. It is possible to worship God and love sex. Kinky sex, gay sex, group sex, vanilla sex. People don’t get to define your relationship to God for you. Whatever journey in your life you must take in regard to your own sexuality, may it be consensual, may it be good, and may it honor God. Whatever that means to you.

(If you liked this post, I would recommend you sign up for my friend Dhivya’s Substack, Fossilised Flowers, or checking out my favorite whore-related website on earth, very NSFW, Whores of Yore.)